Getting Back into the Old Rut - April 21st, 2005

Sneaking chocolates, lying around watching tv, spending money to compensate for my boredom..these are all the things I'm starting to do again to replace Vaud-Villities.

The show went really well. Everybody who came to see me said they were really proud and impressed. I loved being on stage. I loved being behind the stage and running the tunnel. I loved helping others with the routines and costume changes. I loved dancing. But now I have nothing to do once again. I'm nursing this freaking cold I've had for the past 3 weeks so I don't want to go back to the gym until I'm healthy again. And even then, there's no dancing at the gym..just weights and treadmills.

I've packed away my character shoes and jazz sneakers...my dance tights and fishnets and my leotard. My show tape no longer plays in my stereo and I have no place to go to dance. I think Jeremiah was proud of me. He told me I did a good job. And all the dancers gave me flowers and gifts and cards. They made me cry by their graciousness. It was so nice to come off stage and have flowers waiting for me, just like the ballerinas. I truly felt like I was a real dancer and not just a wanna-be who did nothing but dream about it. But now I'm back to being a dreamer.

I've lost a few pounds during show and I want to keep it off. I'm going to bike and run and maybe even take a dance class. I want to learn how to tap so I can be in more numbers next year. I just hope I don't lose contact with the friends I've made during the show. They have all been so wonderful. I want to keep dancing and not fall into discouragment.

And last night at Jeremiah's was soo nice. We watched "meet the fockers" which I thought was just as dumb as the first one but I laughed at a few parts. Then it started to storm and we spent the next couple of hours just cuddling on the couch in the dark listening to the rain, watching his fish, and petting chandler. He even told me that he loved me! Out of the blue he told me he loved me! He said he had a secret to tell me and I thought that he was either going to kiss me, cause he's done that before, or give me a wet willy. Nope, he took my head in his hands and whispered in my ear that he loved me.

I haven't heard those words from him in a long time and it was nice to hear them again.

If only every night can be like last night. Just darkness, rain, and skin.

Before - After